My thoughts on hip-hop

I would like to start this post by stating, not only the obvious, but essential fact that will most likely overshadow this entire post: I know absolutely nothing about hip-hop. I'm almost completely oblivious to what dipshit killed what other dipshit over some dumb rhyme that probably didn't even rhyme. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, the next statement won't be as shocking to most readers. Now, I'm just putting this question out there. In no way is this a universal fact, nor is it confirmed in any way. This is all pretty much speculation, but wouldn't you say that hip-hop is really kind of stupid?

Tip Drill

From what I can tell, there seems to be two sub-categories in hip-hop. First, that club-friendly hip-hop that is all about money, hoes, cars and Louis Vuitton bags. Second, there's "conscious" hip-hop. Hip-hop that is aware. As if being "conscious" is a bonus. Wow, not only is this person making music, he can see what happens around him, almost as if he had those "eyes" and "ears" things. It's kind of like when people date other people, simply because they're "nice". As if "being nice" isn't something you're supposed to be, it's just a plus. Is it just me, or is something crooked when people get praised for integrating their life-experiences in their music? Has anyone heard of conscious death metal? Conscious techno? No, you haven't. It's self-explanatory, really. Most hip-hop these days is so dumb, that when someone raps about real things, it's actually considered a skill.

Huey - Pop Lock and Drop It

Now, let's dive into club hip-hop. You know, the stuff that really makes you bounce. In a lot of songs, I hear people talking about going to the club and spending 30 000-ish dollars on drinks, blow, girls etc. All in good fun. So, let me get this straight: You just went to an establishment that pays 10 dollars for a bottle of alcohol and sells it for 300 dollars. You went to a place that has tables, much like restaurants, parks, churches, daycare-centers and schools, except in this establishment, you get charged 400 dollars to sit at them. You went to a place that pays a guy 2 000 dollars to play music that he didn't make. This is the place you went to. This is the place where you chose to go and spend your 30 000 dollars. Cool.

Jim Jones Feat. Ron Browz & Juelz Santana - Pop Champagne

I'm not going to be too mean here. I sometimes enjoy hip-hop. Sometimes. Like when I'm at the club and I want to feel like I have more money than I actually do, I like hip-hop. When I want to feel like my car is cooler than it actually is, I like hip-hop. When I want to see girls dance and thoroughly enjoy something that's yelling into their ears that they are all "skanky bitches", I like hip-hop. But those are not the only instances. If I was walking through a bad neighborhood, listening to N.W.A, and someone came up and tried to mug me, you know what I'd do? I'd probably piss myself. But standing there in the rainy streets with urine stained pants and no money would be a lot more depressing if you add Elvis Presley's "In the ghetto" to the equation.

And then come the nicknames. Why do most rap-names feel more condescending than flattering? They got to pick the names themselves, and they're all about being small, fat, scarred and poor. Why can't you at least put a positive spin on the names, like "Relatively athletic-Joe", "Can stand up straight in a tent-Wayne" or maybe "Far from retirement-Jeezy". Seriously, in what other genre of music would someone sit down and think: "Alright, I am about to become a household name. People are going to know who I am, what I do and what I stand for. Therefore, I should probably pick a cool stage-name that represents me in a professional, yet artistic way. Wait, I've got it. Old Dirty Bastard."

To all you hip-hop fans out there: Sorry, I remain unconvinced.