Saturday, January 31, 2009

Dubai pictures

These are some pictures from my Dubai-trip. It's been an awesome time, all thanks to my faithful companions Ghaz and Jonna. I'm in the airport now, on my way to Amsterdam, then London. I'll be back in Sweden on Monday. If you feel like having a beer, you should know that I can't afford one. The current plan for the near future is looking like this:

February 20/21st to 28th - picture-taking time in London
February 28th to March 16th - Hong Kong, Shanghai and Beijing.

I'll see you there, hopefully. Anyways, I hope the pictures show what a great time I had here in Dubai:

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Underwater rocket-scientists.

Enlighten me, please: Why do people think that animals in the zoo are miserable? That they would be so much happier out on the vast, biologically raped planes of their home country? I keep having this argument with people, sometimes while the other person's dog is actually trying to fuck my leg. My leg doesn't even have any visible holes in it, which I guess is irrelevant, since it's a female dog.

In my opinion, there is a reason why a bird can't conceive the concept of a "green house". The same reason would explain why dogs eat shit, why camels can't walk in more than one manner, and why the fastest aquatic being in the world can't seem to swim backwards. Here is that reason: Animals are stupid.

I feel fairly confident in saying that they don't have dr Bernard-the-Owl's five steps of absolute mental satisfaction. I also don't think that they have Rolf-the-Tarantula's seven rings of hell. It all comes down to food, sex, sleep, and water. Now, I'm sure you're little chihuahua, named Wellington(or something equally gay), is suuuper-cute in his Chanel-trench coat, but you know what? He's a male dog, wearing a four-legged pret-a-porter trench coat, specifically altered to make up for the lack of long gone balls. If he was even remotely smart, if he he could even begin to grasp the concept of "self-esteem", he would gnaw that shit right off and then run as far away from you as non-humanly possible.

Oh, and I have to say something about the absolute idiots who dress their dogs. I'm going to tell you what everyone out there is thinking: It looks stupid, okay? You look stupid. And don't say dog-clothing exists to keep the little munchkins warm. You see, there's a distinct reason why people in Saudi-Arabia don't tend to own private penguins. It's really not that hard: If you live in a cold place, don't buy a dog that's only physically equipped for warm places, you dipshit.

Getting back to the main topic of conversation: Imagine being in a place where you have free food whenever you're hungry, you can sleep all day if you want, you have an unlimited supply of water, and when you're horny, guess what? Something magically appears for you to fuck. Sure, there's limited access, but don't animals create limited access themselves all fucking day? In the wild, they find a place that has food and water, and then they mark that spot out as their territory. When there's no more food and water, they move on. Now, imagine if there was a territory that had an infinite supply of food and water. Then argue that the animals currently inhabiting that space, would ever leave. No, they would fight to the death with every sucker who happened to trot along.

If it is indeed like you say, and animals actually do have some sort of sophisticated cognitive level, that allows them to thoroughly enjoy and explore the aquatic marvels of the sea, I don't think it would be considered underwater rocket-science for them to tell the younger fish to stay away from those net-thingies. I hear they're kind of not cool.

I'm not saying we're any better. I'm sitting in my room, with food, drinks, a computer, some magazines and music. If I had sex in a can, and could take a dump right next to the bed and not care about it, I'm fairly certain that I would never leave. Animals have fully grasped and are perhaps taking advantage of this concept. So, the next time you see a dog gobbling away on his own balls, you won't have to make that strained face, before quietly asking yourself why on earth he does that. I've got the answer right here for you: Because he can.

all pics: I googled "stupid animal"

Monday, January 26, 2009

Joy Division vs Hot Chip

pic: robbin

Some of you might still be expecting pictures from Berlin and then the current ones from Dubai. They're coming, but there are still rolls to develop. I'll get on that, as soon as I'm back in Europe. Also, if you're the kind of person who likes Joy Division, I thought you might enjoy this:

This one's a bonus:

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Burning down the house.

This post is going to have a hint of bitterness. For that, I'm sorry. So if you're in a good mood, don't let me spoil it. Alright, I feel the need to write about two things. The first thing is something strange that happened to me today in the sunny, friendly, post-Von Dutch, Ed Hardy-nation of UAE. Since the weather was spectacular and I didn't really feel like working, I decided to bring a book and go to the beach. Whilst walking out onto the sandy foundation, on which this whole part of the continent seems to stand on, a security guard suddenly started yelling at me. From what I understood, I wasn't allowed to go out on the beach, without wearing swim-shorts. Me, sporting black cheap monday-jeans and a London Calling-tshirt, couldn't help but feel a bit puzzled. I mean, isn't it a tad bit strange to be denied access to a place, because you're wearing too much clothing? At least in a country where some people have to put on a fucking space-suit, just to go grocery shopping.

The second thing I want to tell you guys about, is my recent visit to IKEA. Now, I know what you're thinking. How do I know? Because of the dumb smile on your face, combined with the warmth currently rising from within you. There seems to be some sort of inevitable truth in the concept of IKEA. It doesn't seem to matter if you're black, white, jewish, arab, Winnie the pooh, Russel Crowe, or one of Axl Rose's many illicit children, the fact still remains: Everyone loves IKEA. However, yesterday when I visited what is now commonly known to be the sacred vessel of 100 % product-value, I suddenly got a funny feeling. Inside of that huge department-store, I felt something I've never felt before in my whole life. It felt like I finally understood that crazy chick in the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre-movie. What I felt was sheer terror.

I think I finally understand why IKEA is so cheap. You pay an extra toll in blood, sweat and tears when you're in the actual store. Yes, that must be it. Also, all of you seem to think you're making a ton of money when you buy things at IKEA. That's bogus, when you think of the money you have to spend on beer&snacks, trying to trick your friends into coming over, since you obviously couldn't put that thing together yourself.

On the bright side, despite the fact that my total experience felt like something of a combination between Edward Munch's painting "The scream" and the movie "Hard Candy", I still think I came out a stronger man. Me using the term "man" very loosely, since clearly, I am no such thing. I guess the whole experience really made me question things, you know. Things like:

-What would be the punishment for strangling someone's child? How long would it take? Does the age of the child matter?
-All the items in the store are supposed to have Swedish names. I walked past a piece of furniture called "Svajs". I'm Swedish, and I ask this question with absolute sincerity. What the fuck does "svajs" mean?
-What would the punishment be for severely strangling someone's child? Does the age of the child matter?
-Is it true, that if you're in a haunting and seemingly humongous maze, you should always turn right to find the exit?
-Is "Hindenburg" a blimp or a famous trial?
-Could this child fit into this box? Do they sell locks at IKEA?
-Can't I just change the price tags and then just go to a self checkout-counter?
-If I hid in the warehouse, how long would it take for someone to find me, and would he/she be paid overtime while searching for me?

As you see, many things went through my head. Anyways, I'm still fairly sure I love IKEA. That being said, my visit to the Dubai IKEA-store can easily be summed up as: Not a good time. Not at all. Also, I didn't even buy anything.

all pics: me

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Gimme more

Most of you have probably heard of the ongoing solo project by Karin Dreijer, called "Fever Ray". She has teamed up with long time The Knife-collaborator Andreas Nilsson to create what will definitely be one of the best videos this year. It gives me the vibe of a darker version of Sigur Ros "Glosoli" video:

Fever Ray - If I had a heart:

Andreas Nilsson's videos are so fucking amazing, it almost makes me feel bad about sucking so hard in comparison. But then I remember that most people tend to suck. Like the British guy I bumped into at the bar last night. I think he was trying to give me shit about something, but I couldn't really hear him, since his shirt was too loud and the dumb fucking emblem on it was too big. Way to rape the Dubai clothing sales, dipshit. Sorry, I sidetracked. Here's the song for you guys:

Fever Ray - If I Had A Heart

Friday, January 23, 2009

The bestest

If you've followed my blog for more than seventeen seconds, you would probably know that I'm not a huge fan of people. To be honest, I don't think they're crazy about me either. At least that would explain why I've been single since the slaves were finally set free. However, after careful consideration, I've firmly decided that these two belong among my favorite people in the whole world. Welcome to the non-existent and not-very-sought-after hall of fame, guys:

Happy up there

I can't stop listening to Röyksopp's new single "Happy Up There". So I'm going to share the wealth. It makes me think of Air, mixed with tasty bubble-gum, and things that haven't even been invented yet.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Nylon Magazine February issue

pic: Sasha

The first picture has nothing to do with this post. Sasha just sent it to me and I love his photos, that's it. Now, getting back to the issue at hand: I shot the beauty opener and the fashion opener for this months issue of Nylon Magazine.

Since I'm in Dubai, where the magazine is not available, I can't tell you exactly which pages, but you'll figure it out. This was the last shoot I did for Nylon before I left. More to come when I return to New York in April, I hope.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dubai preview

Here's a quick preview of Dubai pictures. I'll upload the full album when I get to London, on February 1st.

It's all about projecting success these days. If you're an intern at Vogue, you should still wear Prada. If you're a semi-amateur photographer, don't forget to charge people like a professional. And most importantly: If you're digging a ditch, be sure to project it in a way that would make Indiana Jones come in his pants.

Jonna doing her post-midnight Quasimodo impression:

Anyways, to be continued.