I'm sick. I basically can't do any of the things I wanted to do today. This included:
Learn a bit of Basque Go to a Lakers game, wearing a Lakers shirt that says #33 Byrd on it Do mushrooms and watch a bamboo tree grow(they can grow 1 meter a day) Learn how to play Da Funk on harmonica Getting a christian person drunk and succeeding in making him get a tattoo that says "Jesusjugend".
Also, here is further proof that indians are simply not cool:
The topic of indians made me think of situations where it's IMPOSSIBLE to be cool:
Wearing a bike-helmet Wearing reading glasses and no shirt Walking downhill Rollerskating Also, it's pretty hard being cool while walking off the court after this:
I seriously doubt that any fashion photographer will ever be able to top Guy Bourdin. It's like no man will ever be as good looking as James Dean. It's not possible. My mom told me something that's a little bit funny(with an emphasis on "little bit"). I didn't get into photography until pretty late in my life. When I did, Helmut Newton was my first personal favorite. I told my mom that and she said that she took me to a Helmut Newton exhibition in Gothenburg when I was little. That was the whole story. If I wasn't me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even like me.
I saw Cloverfield last night. Surprisingly good, actually. At the moment, I choose to reside among "easy" movies(Juno, Garden State, Notting Hill, everything that's in the gray zone of what's straight/gay). Also, I tried taking the stickers off my mac. I'm now left with a glue-y mess that looks like a mix between Tjernobyl '86, Sex pistols-feces and the robot from the Intergalactic-video. Swell. Anyways, some Bourdin for your viewing pleasure.
Ja, Ja. <--- this makes no sense. It's necessary, though. Berlin seems like an awesome city, ridiculously calm in relation to it's size(It's not huge, but huge enough). We passed through Alexanderplatz(kind of their version of Liverpool Street) and there were less people there than at a Scatman concert.
Anyways, I noticed yesterday that there is a Karl Marx avenue in Berlin. It's fairly safe to say that the germans did not institute that street. Equally amazing situations would probably be:
-Ho Chi Minh boulevard in Washington D.C -Gandhi listening to "Smack my bitch up" -2pac living on Christopher Wallace Street -George Michael ending up on a blind date with Charlton Heston -Kanye West hooking up with a white girl -Malcolm X hooking up with a white girl -Clint Eastwood wearing lady-underwear -Muhammad having a wife that was over 9 years old -Charles Lindbergh having a son that lived to be 9 years old -The French winning a war, or ending up with at least a draw -A sunny day in London -Karl Lagerfeld taking himself less seriously than AIDS or poverty -Something at Colette being less that 50% overpriced -Being able to say WHAM! without the exclamation point -Marilyn Manson's child not having horns -Justice not playing Phantom 6 times during one concert -Not making the laser-sounds while playing star wars -Going on a date with Pamela Anderson and not being able to score
What did I forget?
"The french are the only people who do not believe that the world revolves around the sun, it revolves around paris."
Alright, guys. Basically, our parents are full of shit. I've been meticously studying an awesome website that lists a bunch of common misconceptions. I'm not going to paste the sources because I can't be bothered. Trust me, they're there. Here are a few:
- According to the academy of eye doctors, it does NOT hurt your eyes to read in the dark. They say: "To read in the dark hurts your eyes about as much as it hurts your camera to take a picture when there's little light." word.
-Chocolate doesn't give you pimples. Break-ups just got less of an aesthetic health-risk. At least for girls.
-There's nothing in the bible(except for the number of gifts) that indicates that the three wise men were actually three. They could just as well have been 400 jewish guys who all gave 10 cents each. Not ok? Sorry.
-Charles Lindbergh was not the first person to fly over the atlantic. He was also not the first person to kidnap their own children. He's definitely up there on the first point, though.
-Marijuana and Hasch does not damage your braincells. They simply arrange a non-working situation for you.
-Holland is not a real country. I actually didn't know that.
-Magellan was not the first person to complete a sail around the world. Magellan actually died close to the phillipines. HAHA, that's hilarious. These were his last words: "Guys, you have all been very brave on this legendary endeavor. When I die, I want to you make sure that I get ALL the credit for what we've done. All of it."
-The risk of getting a cramp while swimming is not higher because of the fact that you've just eaten. That's just something fat people say because getting up is a project.
Also, I've read about something fascinating. Apparently, the americans didn't have to bomb Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Japan wanted to surrender earlier, but only if they could keep their emperor. The americans were opposed to this(they got to keep the emperor in the end, anyways) and probably wanted to "test" the weapon. Since Japan was severly weakened, it would have been sufficient to detonate the bomb on a desert island, thus showing the magnitude of damage that it would cause. Instead, "why not freak out the russians and also test our neat new product"? Exhibit A being the fact that both bombs were not identical. The first one was made from uranium and the second one from plutonium.
"Dad, I want to go to school but this guy won't let me" "Really? Him and what army?" "The U.S Army" "Oh, that's a good army"
It truly is. It truly is.
p.s Sri Lanka has the worlds highest ratio of suicides. That's why I allowed myself to be bought. Actually, that's not true. I also wanted to see ZZ Top in concert.
There are certain things in life that people simply do not like. "Shit" is one of those things. I can definitely see where that fobia might spawn from, but it's kind of strange to me how much we hate other people's shit. This got me thinking about how shit affects us in everyday life, because there are certain aspects of it that simply do not make sense.
Why are people afraid of taking a shit in public restrooms, even when they're nice ones? I mean, they're there for a reason. All guys know the feeling when you've just had indian food(that's a fucking bear trap right there)and you have to rush off to the restrooms, but then you two feet into the room, you freeze. There's someone in the room. This isn't happening. Why, in gods name is there another person in a public restroom? This forces you to fake that you just need to pee until that person has left the room. The most excruciating scenario is when the other person is doing the exact same thing.
Another thing that doesn't make sense, is the washing-your-hands aspect. People get fucking mad at you when you go to the bathroom and don't wash your hands. Admittedly, it is non-sanitary, but why is taking a shit so special? After all, shit->paper->hand probably isn't less sanitary than man with herpes->poles on the subway->feeding strawberries to your loved one in the park. The worst hypocrites of this scenario are people who yell at you for not washing your hands and then run off to kiss their dog on the mouth. This just in: Dogs E-A-T shit.
Also, it says on the box that Corn Flakes have iron in them. Is that like real iron? How can it be good to eat real iron? Fucking weird, it's like if you have a hangover, you should eat your ipod.
I'm really not supposed to be talking about this. I just found out, I don't know who else to talk to. I think... I think women might be trying to wipe men off the planet. And their leaders are Britney Spears and Kylie Minogue.
The essence of their plan is to turn all males into gay males or "homo-homosapiens". Now, since most males would be reluctant to make this change, they have invented certain tools to get us. Their leaders, Kylie Minogue and Britney Spears, are perfect exampes. Right now, only metrosexual or gay men listen to these two ladies. Actually, that's wrong. Metrosexuals and gay men are the only ones who admit that they do. However, with the rise of metrosexual-coolness, alot of guys are starting to walk right into the beartrap. Movies like: Love Actually, Titanic and Bridget Jones' Diary are just the beginning. There are so many things out there, well disguised as KIND OF metro-sexual. And all of it is fucking great, too. Americas next top model, Sex and the city, Justin Timberlake, Nutella, Yoga, Holding hands, Pizza with no meat on it, exfoliating gel-scrub, Cosmopolitans, Cheap Monday and Hugh Grant. We need to stay away from these types of things, tempting as they are. They will destroy us.
What can we do to prevent this from happening? Well, there are a number of things that are also appealing to men, and these things will definitely push us back in the right direction. Here are a few things that we can do to help us get back on the right track:
-Going to war alot more -Renting Die Hard -Killing the french -Going to war alot more -Buying more barbecues & baseball-caps and less Marc Jacobs key-chains -Saying the word "Mojito" without pronouncing the "i" in a really high-pitched voice
We all know that there are four confirmed types of men. Straight men, Gay men, Metrosexuals and Europeans. The second of these four would naturally not be a threat to this operation, entitled: "Notting Hill is a movie that everyone can enjoy." The first group is, naturally where most effort is being put in. The third and fourth group are already being phased into the experiment. Now, If all men were gay, then no more babies would be born. If no more babies were being born, then scientists would have to "grow" babies. And if those scientists were women, then they could control the sex of the babies. This is were their plan is going to fail. Women do not posess the logic side of their brain. Hence, they can't become scientists to begin with.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I really like both Britney Spears and Kylie Minogue. I've become a victim. It has begun and within a couple of hundred years, someone is going to have to make a choice between two pills. Remember, the red pill is fucking gay.