Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The good, M.I.A and the ugly

What news do I have.....? I feel that my last post was a bit sarcastic&mean. That being said, that's more fun. Hence, I am going to continue on that track as I update you all on what's going on in my life.

M.I.A's "new" album, entitled "Kala", is horrible. When it comes to music, I'd say it's as close to an abomination as you could possibly get. It is a slap in the face of rythm, in fact. The beats are really complicated. And not Feadz-complicated, I'm talking fucking Rainman-level. There is no reason or rime, you can't hear shit of what that lady is trying to squeak and the best song on the album is less interesting than taking a pregnancy test right before going into the gas chamber. It basically sounds like John Lennon inhaled helium and made a bet with Ringo that he could create something so far away from music, it could actually be intepreted as a combination between white noise and dinosaur-sex. After John won the bet, Ringo shot John in the face.

Glad to have gotten that off my chest. The new Radiohead album(no, I'm not suicidal nor wanting a sex change) is great. Melancholic rythm at its best. I've never been a fan of Radiohead, since I rarely host funeral-parties, but this album really knocked me off my feet. You can just feel that there is a certain level of professionalism involved. Great job, in short.

Halloween is coming up, I still haven't decided what/who I'm going as. Valeria is going as the oompa-loompa and liked my idea of going as the cookie monsters retarded brother. However, I feel that the cookie-monster might already be retarded, hence, his retarded brother would be in a coma and I can't afford a mobile hospital bed. Another suggestion would be hooking up with someone and going as Ike&Tina Turner. She'd wear a wig and I'd simply wear a wifebeater. Maybe I should go as Batman, just so that I can introduce myself as Robin? In the end, I'll probably be totally unoriginal and go as Steve Urkel or young Michael Jackson.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Friday, October 12, 2007

Monday, October 8, 2007

Long time no hear, my friends

Sorry I haven't updated you guys in a while. "Apology accepted". Thanks.

Anyways, I figured I'd write a little something about the movie that I paid 11 dollars to see today. My spontaneous reflection is that I would rather have spent that money on getting K-Fed to come to my next birthday party. "The assassination of Jesse James" was terrible. For numerous reasons:

Brad Pitt doesn't look remotely like Jesse James. He looks like what Jesse James would have needed to look like to fuck Angelina Jolie. Brad always delivers a solid performance though, nobody can deny the fact that Brad is simply cool. I'd go so far as to say that even the Fonz would agree. So would a surfer, but then again, he doesn't know the difference between "cool" and "unemployed". Skaters are cooler than surfers in so many ways but let's not get into that now. SO, THE MOVIE:

The guy who wrote the screenplay undoubtedly tried to kill me. Nobody tells a 3 hour story that boring, just to tell it. There must have been ulterior motives involved. Instead of being a drama-thriller, the movie focuses exclusively on the emotions and characters involving the murder of Jesse James. In my opinion, that's like casting Tobey Maguire to play Alexander the Great and then have him go on Ricky Lake, crying about how disappointed he was when he learned that you CAN catch herpes from persians aswell. You get the picture, it's simply the wrong way to go. This should have been a more action-filled-direct to the point, type of movie. The director should get some credit though, he managed to squeeze EVERYTHING that I didn't want to know about Jesse James into three hours of film. That definitely counts for something. Because of the fact that I have read some things about Jesse James before I saw the movie, I was able to keep up. The girl sitting next to me could just aswell have been watching Police Academy IV.

The good things about this movie, while being few, are surprising to me. Casey Affleck being the biggest surprise, he was great. Also, they did a great job in terms of special effects when peoples heads were blown off. Oh, and the different settings(although I never understood exactly where they were) were spectacular.

But in the end, it's like they took something that should have been a mad-max-renegade-with-a-slight-sensitive-touch type of movie and turned it into something that would have made even Shakespeare go: "Now, that's just gay."

Friday, October 5, 2007

Welcome to the jungle

My good friend David has arrived! His first visit to the U.S is shaping up to be great. To make his trip as meaningful as possible, I have put together this small list of things to do/see in New York City. Please keep in mind that I will not be attending any of these events.

When being in a completely new environment, one should always start off by familiarizing themselves with it. This is were our first predicament occurs. Since my friend is a 6"5, 200 pound white guy, I took the liberty of giving him the same sign that Domino's delivery boys carry around with them in Bed-Stuy. You know, the one that says "I am currently only holding 20 dollars in cash".

The statue of Liberty is something that you have to see, I guess. I haven't because I hate walking around for 5 hours and then come home without a single piece of new clothing. What most people don't know about the statue of liberty is that the letters engraved on the statue, "July IV MDCCLXXVI" do not mean "July 4th, 1886". It's actually old french for "We're sorry we suck at war."

I guess that's it, right? Statue of liberty(check), walk around(check)....OH and also to go see the M(y) E(ntire) T(eam) S(ucks), just because they're cheaper than watching the Yankees, we don't understand baseball anyways.

So anyways, cruise over to Kermit the Frog if you want to read about his general thoughts of the U.S.