Sunday, September 30, 2007

SpongeBob Chomsky

I've been thinking lately, isn't SpongeBob Squarepants pretty much the worst fictional character ever? SpongeBob is basically the biggest ego-massage that has been spawned within the last couple of years. His main ability concists of being stupid, thus making anyone who watches it feel smart, or at least smarter. Exhibit A being the fact that SpongeBob is everyones favourite character while being stoned.

This got me thinking, what did the final board meeting where SpongeBob was utlimately created, look like? This is what it looks like in my head:

"So, I've got an idea for the new character!"
"Really? That's great, what is it?"
"It's a sponge."
"A what now?"
"A sponge."
"Uhhm...Like the thing you clean yourself with?"
"Yes, I was brushing my teeth this morning and noticed that my sponge does not wear pants."
"Why would it wear pants?"
"Exactly! This got me thinking, let's say that my sponge is currently a 3, in terms of fun, on a scale of 1-10. If it wore pants, it'd be at least a 5."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Hear me out, if it is a 5 with pants, imagine if my sponge then had shoes, thus being a 7, a face, making it an 8 and to top it all of, it was so fucking unbelievably stupid that anyone who watches it will be able to feel like Stephen Hawking for the next 5 minutes before they realize they're trying to eat soup with a fork."
"He makes a valid point. Let's make this sponge the stupidest thing the world has ever seen, disregarding Nicole Ritchie, we'll be rich!"

And so, with the help of marketing, Nickelodeon(or CN) and a goofy pair of pants, we are now victims of the disease that is Spongebob Squarepants. Because of the fact that everyone I know loves Spongebob, I'm going to save you the trouble of asking me the following questions:

"How can you rip on SpongeBob, he's so great!!!"
- You just answered that question yourself. He is a famous sponge named Bob. Does that not strike you as a tad bit odd?

"Is it not great that small children can feel good about themselves while watching TV?"
- Small children don't watch Spongebob to feel good about themselves. They watch it because he makes funny faces. Comic relief and self-realization comes from eating sand.

"Is it not better to watch something like Spongebob instead of something violent, like X-Men?"
- Sure, just be prepared for the fact that in a couple of years, your kid probably won't be able to spell "X-men".

SpongeBob and his entourage. I always confuse these cats with the Reservoir Dogs, major issue.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Trivia & MILF-hunter B.C

People who know me will tell you these things about me:

I'm a real lazy-ass who doesn't do anything for other people unless he has something to gain for himself(an excellent quality, I KNOW)

I very much enjoy making lists

I enjoy reading about famous people on Wikipedia.

The last part is actually what this is about. I spent some time procrastinating last night, being on wikipedia instead of working. I found these interesting facts:

The tongue of a blue whale weighs 4,7 tons, about the same as Michael Moore.

Christian Bale gained 100 pounds in six months to play Batman, which is fucking incredible.

Billy the kid died when he was 21, having killed 21 people and being the leader of a notorious gang. What would you expect, he was Irish. Personally, I would definitely compare myself to Billy the Kid, we are both short, we both wear glasses(although, I don't need mine) and we both need to shoot people in the face to be taken seriously.

The last one is by far the most interesting one. Everyone knows about the legend of Julius Caesar and how he was killed. He was betrayed by the senate and more importantly, by his friend Brutus. This epic tale of treachery came into a different light last night when I happened to read about Caesars lovers. These included Cleopatra, Caesars wives AND Brutus' mother. And so, the everlasting saga of the murder of Julius Caesar really isn't that complicated. If one of my friends slept with my mom, I'd fucking kill him too.

The worlds first MILF-hunter. HAHA classic.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

'Til my dick turn racist

Fridays petites adventures. Spank Rock & afterparty, I had a great time. Ian had an off-night, though.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Miss Piggy's little helper

I apologize in advance for this, but you're gonna have to cruise over to youtube for this one.

I feel no need to comment upon this guy. He pretty much speaks for himself, Elmo & the gang would have been proud.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

The christmas of MC Squarepants & Bachelor Bob

This is what happens when me & my best bud hang out.

Holly Better Faster Stanton

Thanks for a great B-day, holltron. You're a great friend, man.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

OJ as in Orange Juice

Today, I sang karaoke(Japanese for "not talented") with the guys from Chromeo. "Needy Girl" was the song and I made a fool out of myself, good fun though. In other news, I saw "SuperBad" yesterday, you HAVE to see that movie. I haven't laughed that hard since the borat movie.

Also, O.J Simpson got busted for stealing something. Some people just can't seem to keep their hands out of the cookie jar. The fact that this man got caught stealing is mildly awesome to me. He is the type of criminal who gives other criminals a bad name. This is how I'd imagine the bottom of the prison hierarchy looks like.

Rapists(for obvious reasons)
The fucking morons who never seem to get away with anything(I guess he DID get away with the murder of his wife, but everyone still thinks he did it)

There are numerous people who won't realize that what they're currently doing is not right for them.

Isaiah Thomas shouldn't be managing the Knicks, he should be trying to overthrow some evil regime in a poor country somewhere. He'd do this by trying to be it's manager.

Paris Hilton probably shouldn't be a pornstar/partygirl/hotel heir, she should be a bottle of liquid herpes, it's the new teargas.

James Brown shouldn't be a singer, he should be getting speech-lessons from Helen Keller.

Monsieur Le Pen probably shouldn't be in politics, I'd say he'd be better of doing whatever he used to do on his own planet.

Snoop Dogg is not a rapper. He should play Splinter in the Turtles-movies.

Michael Jackson shouldn't be human, he'd be a great jigsaw-puzzle, though.

Last but not least, Chuck Norris shouldn't be a part of your stupid jokes. I'm going to say this, totally objective, they simply are not funny.

Returning to the topic-at-hand, I seriously believe that if you frisked mr. Simpson, he'd have something illegal on him 7/10 times. Why can't he just realize that he simply is not meant to be a criminal? It's just a tad bit frustrating. I mean, if you can't fly, don't jump off a fucking cliff.

Old pics

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Coney Island

Me & my gals went out to Coney Island, a truly wonderful timeportal into the age where candy only cost a nickle, women were'nt allowed to go on the rides and black people weren't allowed to go into the area. Also, the american fair games are hilarious. Here, you don't pay 50 cents to throw a ball at a clown. You blow his head off with a 12-gage.

Pics by H0llyw00d

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Crazy Frog

I couple of nights ago, I woke up because there was a loud BANG! on our door. I was a bit delirious at the time and somehow construed that someone had broken into our house. SO, what to do? I tried to stay calm and to remain rational about this. Priorities:

1. Hide my laptop & camera(I hid them under my pillow, they'll NEVER look there.)
2. Find something to hit the intruders with. This item being my laundry-detergent. I would probably cause as much damage with that thing as a carebear on ecstasy.
3. Find a suitable hiding-spot. Since I consider myself to be quite stealth, I hid behind the door. Also, because I don't have any fucking furniture to hide behind.
4. Wait for any unsuspecting fool to step into my kingdom of mayhem.

So I waited behind the door for about 10 minutes before I realised that a car might have backfired.

I told this story to a friend of mine who said: "I didn't know you had a laptop." Yes, I do and that was definitely the crazy part of that 10-minute story. Dead on.

Overall, a nice day today. I have an internship interview in Tribeca.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Nostalgia keeps me up at night

I've been pillaging through my computer archives and I've discovered an unpleasant truth. I am no longer in Paris.

first time me, Erik, Tiva & Holly got freaky chez ParisParis

Vice Party

Tell me to do my dishes & I'll probably tell you to go fuck yourself.

The criteria was that you had to be in the air when the photo was taken. Gotta love that self-timer action, huh?

My ex-roomie.

Who turned out to be EMO.

I really hate those filters on the internet where you can take one of your pictures and paste it into a polaroid frame. I've been trying to use the word "hate" less lately. After all, it is a fairly strong statement to say that you, for instance, HATE people who can't help but show their affection for their significant other and do that whole snuggle routine in public. Although, I actually do hate that. I fucked up right away, great.

The man. Period.

Helmut Newton.

Older chests

I found an old picture that I took in the hallway of my old appartment in the 16eme. That neighborhood really sucked. I spent hours out in that hall with a large-format camera. Anyone who knows a bit about photography will tell you what a hassle those things are. Good fun, though. This was a part of my first ever completed photo-story. It wasn't good at all but everyone loves their first-born child, even if it's a retarded one.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Friday, Fluokids et Brodi

The adventures of holly's lil' Bruce continue. Also, Brodi and the Fluokids came to town. For all of the pics, scoot over to I didn't get to see Brodinski's because I fell asleep on a couch. Yessir.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Religion on the dancefloor

First New York photo-shoot today. The following things were as expected: The french, middle-aged photographer was an asshole who knew four english supposed-to-be words.

1. Not-like-zat(said as one word)
2. Go(he definitely would have misspelled it)
3. Baby
4. Allez

Allez is one of the few international "fashion-expressions" that I can handle. It's basically telling someone to hurry the fuck up, without hurting his feelings. I found these old pictures that I took when me and Maxters where fucking around last summer, I miss that camera. You too, Maxipads.

One interesting thing about today's shoot was the fact that the designers decided to accessorize, using a crucifix. I must admit, the church has lost some of its strike force but I'd say that is going a bit too far. Especially since the fashion equivalent to a prayer is the soundtrack to "Chicago".

p.s pics from the fluo-party coming soon(Holly, earn that B F, Stanton) d.s

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


You have GOT to be kidding me.

It's funny how people mix things that, standing alone, are great products and expect it to work. Oreo's(one of my top 5 favorite things to eat) and Pizza (Also up there) are two great inventions but why on earth would you mix them and then think: "I wonder why nobody else thought of that?". Here's the most probable answer to that question: Because it's stupid.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Labor Day and the Sunderban-Tiger reserve

Yesterday was the wildly popular "Labor day". A concept that is still kind of a blur to me. What I've gathered so far is that they celebrate the concept of "working" by not working. That doesn't really add up to me. Like I told David, it's almost like celebrating your friends birthday by not congratulating him.

Also, I met this guy today. I'm still trying to figure out what it is that he's actually selling. It kind of looks like floating cotton-candy. I think his pose is just a tiny bit hilarious, considering the fact that he's selling some of the most gay items I've ever seen. But I guess you have to look that way to sell anything around here. After all, what G around here would buy wobbly-pink-helium-cotton-candy from a pussy? Nobody.

Tomorrow it might be time to pull out some india-pictures. Ergo, be prepared for the following: Traffic, Goa, Camel-spiders in my fucking room, Cockroaches the size of a snickers-bar, and general pictures of the people who revolutionized the concept of "turning the other cheek". As a result, anyone who was alive before 1947 probably has at least one permanent bruise. Just to give you a sneak-peak, I intend on telling you the story about the day that I lost my fear of regular-sized spiders.

Me and my friend were going to visit the Sunderban tiger-reserve, situated close to Calcutta. The journey from Calcutta included:

1. Local bus 3 hrs(a trip that cost about 50 cents = we should have turned around)
2. Cycle-rickshaw 1 hr
3. Boat 45 minutes
4. Auto-rickshaw 30 minutes
5. Cycle-Rickshaw 1 hr
6. Boat 10 minutes

All of them good fun, obviously. At least if you compare it to the feel of chronic hemoroids that followed.

When we finally arrived at the reserve, the staff accused us of stealing 100 rupees from them(which is about 2 dollars) and so we ended up arguing with them for 2 hrs about that, getting a shitty tour, not seeing any tigers(our guide got a phone call 30 minutes after we left saying that they had spotted a tiger. Thanks for the info, dumbass.) and missing our only opportunity to get back to Calcutta the same night. We ended up finding a hotel that sported a sign that said "Rooms 200 Rupees, good quality". We did the customary rock-paper-scissors and I got to go up and inspect the room.

I walk in the door, decide that this is fine and then turn to inspect the opposite wall. This is what I see.

At this point, I didn't know whether I should call the police or Lebron James(since this thing was the size of a fucking basketball). So I ran for my life, ending up in the lobby where the receptionist had fallen asleep. I decided to wake him up.

"What, what?"
"I'm sorry but there is a spider in our room"
"Okay(clearly not understanding the severity of the situation)"
"Correction, there is a baby-dragon in our room, could you remove it?"
"Don't worry, it's not venomous(I hadn't even told him what it looked like)"
"Well, it might not be venomous but it probably weighs more than I do, so could you do something about it, please?"
"Sigh...(god damn scaredy-cat tourist) Okay."
"Thank you!(feeling very relieved)"

The solution was walking into the room with me and sweeping the spider down on the floor. I have never seen that room since then.

We ended up getting the room next door, staying up all night, looking for spiders with only our ipod-lights to guide us(obviously, the power died = no lights, no fan). We left at 4.00 AM and went back to Calcutta. We spent the next day bowling and eating pizza. After all of our endeavours that day, one question still remained:

What the fuck does a tiger look like in real life?

Monday, September 3, 2007

Sign me up

Am I the only one who thinks this is just a little bit stupid?

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Institubes Paris Terror Club

Last nights shananagans. If you want to see all of the pictures, go to

The guy in the background has seen A night at the Roxbury too many times.

Personal notes: Holly, you should ALWAYS buy that 10th beer. Reunited with Holly Better Faster Stanton.

Like Li'l Jon would have said it: "If you scared to throw it up, get the fuck out the club".