AWWW VALENTINE'S, no?

I would like to make something clear regarding Valentine's Day. This commercially sacred day of symbolic gifts, is also...my mothers birthday. For me, it has always been focused on something other than K-I-S-S-I-N-G people in trees. However, I feel the need to say that I'm getting sick and tired of all you pseudo revolutionaries out there who can't help but hate on something you don't even have to take part in. Just.Let.It.Be.

To me, there are two ways of looking at people who hate Valentine's:

1. You simply do not buy into all the bullshit. You're aware, smart, sufficiently cynical, hip, happening, and you have never seen any of the Lord of the Rings movies. Why? You haven't read the books, but you just know they must be better.
2. You don't have a partner to spoil/get spoiled by, and the possibility of that happening before clock strikes 12.01, is non-existent. Everyone knows it would take you at least 24 hours to change your personality and acquire a significant other. Hence, you hate Valentine's. And everyone who enjoys it. They all suck. As do the movies about that stupid hobbit and his fucking ring.

It's essential that you know, I'm not a complete sucker for Valentines. As such, out of respect for you Valentine-haters out there, I have taken the liberty of introducing a number of public holidays for you to go nuts over:

-"Trying desperately to have sex with people at the gym, since I don't have time for it at any other point"-day
-"Masturbating in front of the mirror"-day
-"Post-masturbating-crying in front of the mirror"-day
-"Tues"-day
-"Watching Love Actually by myself"-day
-"Wearing my Che Guevara t-shirt when clubbing"-day
-"Conducting my yearly efforts at convincing my friends I don't even need a partner, having a cat is better and less complicated"-day
-"Trying to deny that Lionel Richie's 'Endless Love' is my favorite song ever"-day

I think we're even now. Valentine's is the new black. Live with it.