A visit to the hardware store.

We've started preparations for our annual Halloween party. Right now, I'm working on a giant monster mouth, were the bands/djs will be playing, and to do this, I needed primer. Now, I'm not completely sure what primer does exactly, how much it's supposed to cost, and how much I'd need. Therefore, I decided to go to the hardware store and ask. This little visit made realize how much hardware store personnel reminds me of gym personnel, in the sense that both get really offended when someone walks in, who just doesn't know much about the gym/hardware-related things.

When you're in the hardware store, and you don't know how a certain machine/material works, and you ask, they always roll their eyes, as if you can tell how it works, just from looking at it. I'm sorry, but just because you people live and breathe for these things, it doesn't necessarily make them uncomplicated. I mean, it's not like I just walked in with an orange and asked how I'm supposed to eat it. There are 10 000 different liquids that do one thing, and they always come in as many colors and variations. Therefore, this is what might happen when someone like me visits the hardware store.

-Hello, I need to buy primer, please.
-How much, and what are you using it for?
-Well, I'm painting a monster mouth. I haven't really used primer before, so I'm not sure how much I'll need.
-What do you mean, you haven't really used it? Primer is everywhere.
-Uhm...well I guess I just haven't used it before. I'm not sure what to tell you.
-So, I guess you're not used to fixing things yourself. You know, solving problems and such.
-Listen, as far as I can tell, you run a hardware store. Now, I'm guessing that means you're pretty much depending on people buying things from you. Telling me I'm about as independant as a chimpanzee, does not make me want to give you my money. Quite the opposite.
-I'm just saying, plaster is so basic. Everyone knows how to use it.
-Since 50 % of the people in this conversation don't, I'd be pretty confident in saying that's not true.
-But why wouldn't you learn how to use something that can be applied everywhere? It doesn't make any sense.
-Listen, I'm not saying this just to fuck with you. I really don't know how to use it. I don't see why you would get offended, since my ignorance enables your kind to overcharge for a service that I guess people should just perform themselves. I'm not the cause of all evil things in the world, just because I don't know how to use primer.
-It's a good thing there's people in the world who are handy. People that can make things happen.
-Yeah, where would we be without garage doors, three story birdhouses, gas chambers and guillotines.
-A guillo-what?
-Anyway, I see now that 1/4 gallon costs 8 dollars. A whole gallon costs 12 dollars. I don't have to be a lumberjack to realize that buying 1/4 gallon is stupid. I will take 1 gallon of plaster please.
-Alright, good luck to you(You'll need it).
-Thanks(Watch out for rusty nails when you're building yourself a girlfriend).

I'm not dumb. Under main interests, I wouldn't put "shiny things". I just don't know how much primer to buy when I'm building a giant monster mouth for people to party in. I guess my point is, you should come to my party. Not you, hardware store person.