Michael Mann, totally avant-garde.

As we're all fully aware of, there are certain movie-directors that cross boundaries. Lynch, Kubrick, Fellini, Godard, Clark, just to name a few. They didn't necessarily invent something new, but they were completely original. And if nobody else is doing it, doesn't that make it new? Actually, no. That just makes it original. Anyways, last night I saw a movie that makes me think Michael Mann should be included with the previously stated heroes of cinema. You see, Michael Mann is not only original, but he invented something that I can't seem to find anywhere else. And I'm a fucking amazing googler, I kid you not. Michael Mann has tapped into something so unique, it didn't hit me until yesterday. And that was the second time I watched the movie. And so, while watching Miami Vice, it hit me that Michael Mann has successfully invented some sort of cinematic mass-rape. In essence, that movie is so fucking bad, all other people who have ever been anywhere near an action movie, HAVE to feel at least somewhat violated.

Not only is Colin Farrell the biggest douche since Alexander the great, he looks fucking ridiculous. Okay, this guy is cool:



This guy makes me feel like I've just been skull-fucked by a rhinoceros:



I'd say Sonny Crockets level of being annoying is definitely up there with Luke Perry from the old episodes of Beverly Hills 90210. Sonny isn't quite at Dylans level, but it's freakishly close. Now, There's always something that confuses me about directors like Michael Mann. I mean, he makes fucking awesome action movies like Heat or Collateral, and then he just sits down and thinks:

"Okay...So Heat and Collateral were both critically acclaimed films with great actors, but I mean, I don't necessarily want to get stuck in one specific genre. Hence, I should probably make a film with that asshole Colin Farrell, where we savagely abuse one of those great 80's tv-shows. I bet I could do an absolutely terrible job, if I just try hard enough and get a really big budget. In fact, I could probably do such a poor fucking job at it, that in comparison, listening to Limp Bizkit's cover of Behind blue eyes(The Who) will suddenly feel like a warm hug from your grand-mother." By the way, that cover never ceases to fuck you in the ear. Seriously, If I could have anyone play at my birthday party, it would be The Clash, after they had just stomped on Fred Durst's testicles. Over and over and over and over again.

Anyways, I lost my train of though, as usual. I guess my point is that Miami Vice is a terrible film. Absolutely terrible.