The everglades are moderate fun.

Here are the Key West/Everglades pics. As usual, my FB-friends have already seen them(I post there first because I fucking hate blogspots posting system. Virtually the only mistake google has made. Ever.) Enjoy.

Miami PD are intimidating.

I can live with the fact that people in Florida have the ugliest mail-boxes in the world. I might even say that they're uglier than Jack Osborne(I have serious suspicions that he is adopted, his real mother is Anna Nicole Smith and his father is a German Shepherd).

I can also live with the fact that people here BUILD their own pools, even though they live right next to the carribbean. Congratz, you just paid money to have a big hole of water 10 feet away from your house when the worlds biggest fucking hole of water is 15 feet away from it. And that one is free.

What I can't live with, is the fact that the police here aren't nearly as intimidating as the NYPD. You want to call the NYPD "officer" when you talk to them, I kind of feels nice. Here, the cop-cars sound like a gay guy whistling after Colin Farell at a club and they look like something out of Monsters Inc. And the icing on the cake is this police station that I found:

A semi-pink police station? You have got to be fucking kidding me.

// Robin

p.s one of the theme-songs to our everglades/key west roadtrip. I got smashed and decided it was a good idea to convince italian tourists that it is swedish tradition to write "HUMAN ROBOT" all over someone's body when they drink alcohol. I did it to nobody, everyone did it to me.

All hail McDonald's.

We've had hamburgers like four times within the last two days. That made me think about one of the more important pillars of modern society. The concept sought after by Muhammed, Jesus Christ, Dalai Lama, Martin Luther King JR and Gandhi. The concept that every single human being is equally worthless. I'm talking, of course, about the concept of "McDonalds".

Here's the deal, there's Genesis, Exodus, Vishnu, Buddha, Abraham and then there's McDonalds. Now, why do I allow all of these hipocrites to be associated with the, not only culinary but also morally, noble cult that is McDonalds? Because, my friends, the latter is the absolute and definite epitome of the former. Not many people know this but McDonalds is, in fact, the ultimate religion.

Think about it, it's Nirvana for fat people, the afterlife for hindu cows, purgatory for anal people and Mecca to everyone else. We ALL go there at least once a year, simply because that's the way it's always been done.

It doesn't matter if you're Black, White, Cuban, Asian or whatever Grace Jones is. If you're inside the pearly gates of this fast food heaven, you are worth absolutely nothing. Any insult that may befall you within those gates can simply be discarded by using the line: "Whatever, man. You're at McDonalds too". The pope himself could walk in and get a disgusted look from a hobo, simply because he decided to supersize his meal and then order a diet coke.

Of course, there are people who try to drag the noble chain through the mud. In a documentary in 2004, an idiot decided to conduct an experiment:

For 30 days Spurlock ate nothing but McDonald's (supersizing whenever asked). He ate everything on the menu at least once and continued to eat after he was full. At the same time he consciously attempted to get little or no exercise. By the end of the month he had gained 24.5 pounds (11.11 kg), was moody and had less interest in sex.

Am I the only one struck by the sentence: "and continued to eat after he was full"? If you continue to eat after you're full, gaining weight is probably due to something called "biology", not hamburgers.

In a world where I feel like we're all drowning in a mix of war, poverty and vegetarians, it's important to have that special place where you know that you're safe. McDonalds has actually inspired a number of great artists to write songs about love and the relevance of security. P Diddy's "Every step I take" being one of the more famous and loved ones.

I guess, in conclusion, sticks and stones may break my bones but while we're both at McDonalds, words will never get me.

// Robbin

p.s More pictures coming up soon, of alligators and stuff! That wasn't exciting enough to deserve an exclamation point, was it? crap.

South Beach, Florida

As promised, I hope you'll enjoy them.

Next stop, Florida Keys.

// R

Off to Fort Lauderdale

People who hold their pants up when they walk along the beach are funny. I saw a guy who was even funnier. He was doing what I just said, wearing board-shorts. God forbid he should get water on his bathing suit.

So, what have I learned about Miami and its inhabitants?

-Anna has been to every single country in the world, including Jupiter, Neverland and I'm still waiting to see a picture of her, standing in front of the pearly gates of heaven. I bet that's a cool place.
-Apparently, people here change personalities like I change underwear.
-It's not called "The sunshine state" for nothing. There are less clouds than there are midgets in the NBA.
-Rick Ross is their version of Zeus.
-"The greek word for Miamian means "misshapen ball of clay". I try to think of that every time I go to the beach". In other words, everyone here is fucking ripped.
-Linus got oxygen-raped by the air-conditioner and is now sick.
-People here have sex to get rich. Some people think that's sad, I don't. Most people in the western world don't get to have sex and don't have that much money. That's not exactly a win-win situation, is it?
-The only things that Miami and New York have in common is that they are both different places.
-People here probably trade STD's like they're Pokemon.

I guess that's it for now. We're heading up to Fort Lauderdale to meet up with Jakob. We're renting a car and going on a roadtrip through Florida. They said that they wanted to go to the Everglades, to which I replied: "I have a gun and I will not hesitate to shoot the tires. Don't-test-me."

// R

p.s pictures are coming up within a couple of days, assuming that I get to keep my fucking camera this time.

I like the ocean, it never stands still

I can't seem to digest the fact that I lost that roll of film. I'm still pissed about it. Speaking of pissed, last night we went out with Anna and her friends and once again, I think Linus might be dead. I had a coffee and a bagel by the beach today and listened to Fujiya & Miyagi. Also, I got a disposable camera, just to get my fix.

For some reason, I can't help but associating Miami with cheesy hip-hop. I love it. I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I want to hear Lil' Wayne sing "make it rain", T.I "I'M THE KING, Lil' Jon "Down skeet skeet" or R.Kelly "Don't ask me what my name is, stupid bitch I'm famous". I'm sick of this whole "keepin' it real", because none of them do. P Diddy might as well be a character from Toy Story, that's how real he is. I don't think even Buzz Lightyear would have been able to sleep with J-Lo. But it's all good in da hood, Diddy?

I really can't help it. I found myself watching the weather and I started humming "the weather channel, but I do not broadcast"...haha. It's just so much more fun listening to. I mean, I'm sure Atmosphere and those guys had it real tough, just like Kafka, Soltzenitsyn, Ho chi Minh and Kurt Cobain but guess what, that A-team of depression is dead. It's too late to bond with them, you tit. Get over yourself.

We've been walking around alot in downtown Miami and we've been hanging out in South Beach. Pictures are coming up soon. We haven't been to Opa Loca, Linus is white, I'm Indian and I hear even the trees are made out of kevlar there.

On a side-note, I read on Ghazal's blog that Jay-Z and Beyonce are getting married. That's fine by me, h.o.v.a is awesome. He deserves a cool girlfriend. It's like if Santa Clause married Alicia Keys. Go for it, tap that ass, you coca-cola spawned tub of lard. Go for it.

// Robbin

p.s I love the fact that people think that they're dating a "real" girl when they're dating J-Lo, just because she went to private school on the same continent as the Bronx.

.!.!..!:!:!:!:

SHIT, I lost my camera. I FUCKING loved that thing and I had just shot a great roll of film on it. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

MIAMI

We've reached Miami safely. Of course, being me and all, I was very prejudice. I was definitely expecting guys in ponchos surfing into town with all their belongings, all of them wearing vintage Che Guevara t-shirts. It's difficult facing the fact that one is simply stupid. It never get's easier, does it, Britney?

I admit to the fact that I was wrong about several things regarding Miami. However, if I hear one more person speaking spanish, I'm going to start spelling the city's name M-A-D-R-I-D. We had breakfast on the beach today, bringing a sandwich down there is like being a white guy with a rental car in Compton. You're simply not going to get to keep what you've purchased. You see, seagulls hunt in packs here.

Seagulls bring me to my next point: The ocean. Why does fucking everyone adore the sea? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it as much as the german retard sitting next to me but I'd say the ocean is as close to a timeportal as one could get, since everyone seems to become 3 years old whenever they're in it. I've realised that the ocean has to be the nemesis of the forest. I was talking to Anna about the forest yesterday and how everyone is afraid of it. Everyone thinks that bad things happen in the forest, even though there are 2 trillion things in the ocean that can kill you from underneath. Since everyone seems to be so fucking fond of the sea, all murderers and pedophiles should just purchase a scuba-gear and start pulling people down. They'd have a fucking field trip.

To sum it all up, I'm hoping I won't get kidnapped, since my parents wouldn't give up cable TV to get me back. I don't blame them, I'm a cunt.



Here are some more NYC pictures, my friends on facebook(yes, I have it too) have already seen them.











P.S Alot of people here have inspiring catch-phrases on their T-shirts. Like "Please tell your tits to stop staring at my eyes". I have mine on my computer. It says "Imagine, you could be who you think you are". It reminds me not to be a douche. It seldom works.

What I've learned.

New york is basically full of beautiful people. It would be awesome to be one of them. Here are some of the things that I've learned from them and about them.

-Mike calls Tom from Myspace "Greg from Craigslist" by mistake.
-Anna likes to make fun of Stephen Hawking. That's like saying "Helen Keller can't enjoy the cinema as much as I can". And then smiling.
-Apparently, here it is necessary at a club to have someone in the bathroom who opens the door for you, turns the fawcett on and gives you paper. For money. Thanks for doing things that I've been doing myself since I was 2 years old.
-For a billion dollars, me and Lara would most definitely invest in a third nipple and a midget entourage.
-Linus fits in worse in Bed-stuy than Clint Eastwood would in WHAM!. He's been a champ, though.
-Cupcakes are basically an orgasm of sugar. Meredith and Olivia ate theirs before I could reach the table. It was as close to a gastronomical black hole as one could get. And it was awesome.
-I've been taught what smores are. As far as I understood, they're the ultimate method for reaching a state where you need rollerskates instead of shoes. AKA they turn you into a fatass.

I could go on, but I don't want to bore you. It's been a fucking amazing stay here. Thanks, dudes. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Countries that tend to suck at war.

Being in the great nation of US and A has made me think about something: War. There are some nations that simply should not go to war. As we all know, France is one of them. When reading this, most french people are likely to think: "Fuck that guy, Sweden suck at war too". I am aware of that fact, the difference between Sweden and France is that we have found the perfect solution to our problem. We simply do not to go to war. It's really not that complicated: If you can't swim, stay the fuck away from the pool.

But what other nations tend to suck at war? Italy don't have a very impressive track record, they couldn't beat Greece or Ethiopia. Greece hasn't had an army since the guys from the movie "300" died and all you have to do to beat Ethiopia is to rock-proof your tanks. Italy is just another country that needs to stick to what they know. In this case, it's greasy hair(on purpose), sunglasses that are too big, ending every single word with an E, being corrupt and spending a ridiculous amoung of time on something that the rest of the world considers to be fast-food.

Denmark is another fine example of what's mentioned above. Regarding their efforts in World War II, most Danish people would say: "At least we tried to defend ourselves". Here is how that went:

"Sir, the Germans are attacking!"
"As we expected! Give them all you--"
"Sir?"
"Yes?"
"We lost."

So, what preliminary precautions are there to take? In other words, how can a country know if they suck at war? The number of metrosexuals is a valid hint(Exhibit A: Sweden, Denmark, Italy and France all suck), the amount of stars 'n stripes on your flag is another. I guess, in the end, you'll just have to try and see. Denmark got it over with in the 40's, I'm still waiting for Sweden to have a go at someone. That being said, our army would be less useful in a conflict than Boy George & The culture club, singing: "Do you really want to hurt me?"

I do feel the need to address the fact that Sweden let the nazis pass through during World War II. There's a perfectly good explanation. Southern Sweden hosts a "special" cross-breed between Swedes and people who talk with their mouth full. All they needed to enter with their tanks was probably a valid passport and a smile.

I'd also like to thank Japan for the allies' victory. If they hadn't pissed off the U.S, we'd never have won. That has to be the stupidest of all moves, ever. Attacking the U.S is basically like walking up to a sleeping dragon, unzip, and press your penis against his forehead. Then, when he wakes up, you say: "Yes, that was on purpose."

I guess, in conclusion, people should stay out of trouble. Especially when they suck at trouble. Italy, Denmark and Sweden, just to name a few. And France too, of course. When talking about conflicts, some people need to learn, they'll always just end up giving away Statues of liberty.

New York

New York has been amazing so far. Last night we had sushi and then went drinking, which has led to a massive hangover. I'm seriously considering the fact that Linus might be dead. He hasn't moved for half a day. Pics of n'importe de quoi are coming up in a couple of days.

pic: Holly or Sebastian, I don't really know.