back in the day

I just found some ooold photos that I took a couple of years back. I might venture to say it was my first ever portrait of someone. I think I tried to tell a story of a black girl being "domesticated". All I remember is that I wasn't very impressed with myself, I rarely am. A poor quality, don't fall into it.

Barrack Obama and the Mahogny table

I just thought of a funny joke.

"What are you called if you hate race-cars?"
"A racist."

Sorry about the whole joke-thing. My bad. Anyways, I feel the need to express my hatred towards racecars. Cars in general, really. Even though "racecar" is my favorite palindrome, the act of competing with racecars and calling it a sport, is ridiculous. How can you call it a sport, since all cars don't even go at the same speed? That's like telling Kofi Annan to out-snort Kate Moss. Kate being the Ferrari of cocaine-users.

What else is new...? Lately, I've been feeling a bit worried about politics. Not about what's actually going on in politics, rather the fact that I don't care about them. I try, I really do but I guess I'm simply the type of person who prefers to watch Star Trek, rather than "What is new in the world today? Nothing, we've pretty much had the same problems since Jesus died." There's just so much out there to worry about:

-Barrack Obama vs. Hilary Clinton? Scones vs. bagels for breakfast?
-Peace in the middle-east? Then what would they have to bitch about, it's not like they can complain about the weather.
-Did the mayor of god-knows-what-city go to a strip club? What was the person who saw him there doing, window shopping in the whore-district? Hipocrite.
-Should nation X go to war with nation Y over n'importe de quoi? Yes, always yes.
-Is global warming a threat? Underwater cities would take us one step further towards a Star Wars type of world. Bring it on.
-What do we do about AIDS? Distribute pictures of people wearing bike-helmets, huge turn-off.

It's all too big of a big fucking mess and I guess I'm not a very good person. Still, I feel like the difference between an adult and a child, is that adults should be familiar with the concept of "Cause and effect". It's really not that complicated, if you don't want to die from gunshot wounds, stop fucking shooting at each other.

"Honey, I can't find the donation cheque for Amnesty's save the rainforest project!"
"It's on the mahogny table in the hall!"

Yessir.

Steven Klein gets rude

I just felt like showing you some stuff by one of my favorite photographers, Steven Klein. My cousin first told me about him a couple of years back, he's a badass. Also, if you're in London, check out Solve Sundsbo's exhibition.

http://www.springprojects.co.uk/flash.html



Also, if you're in London tonight, come to Get Rude. Easily the most non-pretentious amount of fun in the East End. Or you can dress up like a circus clown and go to something like boombox. Your choice, weirdo.

Walt Disney and the great whale of Norway.

I would consider myself to be a somewhat smart individual. That being said, I watched a documentary about Stephen Hawking yesterday and I now feel like I'd pay Tara Reid to take the SAT's for me. I often confuse Tara Reid with other sluts her age. Anyways, I mean the one who has breasts that look like they're terrified of each other. In my current state of casual ignorance, I've started to question things. And I mean things that are more relevant than the fucking eternal question that guys ask people at parties to be smart/naughty/funny:

"Why is a blow-job called a blow-job? Anyone who's been in the vicinity of one would disagree".

How should I know? Why is a female distributor of mail still called the postman? Leave me alone.

SO, to my far more relevant questions. The astounding world of renowned pseudo-Nazi Walt Disney is sometimes a bit confusing to me. Don't get me wrong, I love Disney movies(personal favorites being Robin Hood, The lion king and Finding Nemo) but when you watch them nowadays, some things seem strange to me:

-Is there a reason why the main characters of Donald's town are the only ones who are animals? Everyone else is human, yet they don't seem to mind the fact that the richest guy in their town is... a duck.
-Why does Donald wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, since he doesn't even normally wear pants at all?
-Isn't it kind of mean to tell people that someone as hot as Belle, would ever hook up with the Beast? To me, that's just giving false hope to people from England.
-Why do they use Roman numerals in the Greek myth of Hercules?
-How does Goofy(who is a dog) know how to talk, considering the fact that Pluto(who is also a dog) is about as articulate as Helen Keller?


In other news, why is K-Fed such a douche? Not only did he put the word "white-trash-crack den-looking" on the map, it's like the Universe of complete a-holes imploded and created a black hole of un-coolness that can only be described as the Armageddon of all cleanliness. I've actually met someone who sympathizes with him and told me: "Like you could ever get Britney Spears." If I wanted to land a whale, I'd move to Norway.

DVNO-T

The new Justice video s-u-c-k-s. So does the song.

Justice - DVNO



This is what a good video looks like.

The Knife - Heartbeats



AHA - Take on me



Beastie Boys - Intergalactic



Daft Punk - Around the world



Run DMC - It's like that



Fatboy slim - Praise you



Oasis - The masterplan



The Knife - Silent shout



Kavinsky - Testarossa autodrive



Slipknot - Vermilion



And, of course, the crown-jewel

Wham! - Wake me up before you gogo

It's not that Easy....Jet.

Due to a number of factors, I missed my flight from Berlin to London. However, this time, something was different. There was a factor that is constantly involved when I fuck up, that simply was not there this time. A factor that is the source of about 104 % of everything bad that ever happens to me. That factor, is me.

You see, the train that is only supposed to take 40 minutes, took about twice as long. And when we got there(a half-hour before the plane was set to leave), a somewhat heavy set woman tells the 20 people who were on that train, that checkin is closed. There is nothing she can do. To me, there is one major flaw in her statement. There was something she could do, she just couldn't be bothered. She could have called the staff on the airplane(who were probably wondering why 20 passengers just decided not to show up) and told them: "Don't go yet". I really wanted to ask the heavy set lady where she had been hiding since 1945. I hear Argentina is nice. At that point, I was pretty sure of the fact that Germans hate us. That is not the case. They just hate me.

I do realize that I'm kind of a douche. They did too. Linus and I bought our tickets at the same time, he got priority boarding, I didn't. Then they stop me in security and tell me that the carry-on-luggage that worked perfectly fine London entre Berlin, is now too big. So I told them: "Look, you've already made me miss one flight. I'm not missing another one and I'm not paying you to fuck me in the ear. Let me through. Please." This sentence worked to the extent of them getting even more persistent. I tried squeezing my bag into the little metal-frame, no luck. It was about an inch too big. After having squabbled with them for 10 minutes, I took matters into my own hands. I decided to wear my clothes. Correction, I decided to wear ALL of my clothes. This included: 2 cardigans, 2 lumberjack shirts, 1 hoodie, 8 t-shirts and 1 jacket. The security staff at Schönefeld airport now know me as, "Ajax, superhero!". Personally, I think I looked like a meatball that, somehow, got itself stuck on a stick. After having gone through security, I quickly removed all of these garments and re-packed. Go me.

In other news, because of the airplane scandal(and other things, discount at supreme/stussy etc etc), I'm officially dead-broke until the 14th. For normal people, being broke suuuucks. I can't really say it does for me. You see, I'm an excellent sleeper. Since the term "excellent" is so commonly used, most people would associate it with "good" or even "great". When I say I'm an excellent sleeper, I mean to say that I'm fucking spectacular. What can I say, it's cheap fun.

The Touch

Ghazal's friends created a great music vid for The Touch. I felt the need to show it to you.

The Touch - Le Night Dominator

I missed my flight back to London from berlin. Please stand by for a fuck easyjet post.

// R

Paralell yet not perfectly aligned

Now listen, I think it's sick

I'm sick. I basically can't do any of the things I wanted to do today. This included:

Learn a bit of Basque
Go to a Lakers game, wearing a Lakers shirt that says #33 Byrd on it
Do mushrooms and watch a bamboo tree grow(they can grow 1 meter a day)
Learn how to play Da Funk on harmonica
Getting a christian person drunk and succeeding in making him get a tattoo that says "Jesusjugend".

Also, here is further proof that indians are simply not cool:



The topic of indians made me think of situations where it's IMPOSSIBLE to be cool:

Wearing a bike-helmet
Wearing reading glasses and no shirt
Walking downhill
Rollerskating
Also, it's pretty hard being cool while walking off the court after this:

Guy Bourdin and Sex-Pistols feces

I seriously doubt that any fashion photographer will ever be able to top Guy Bourdin. It's like no man will ever be as good looking as James Dean. It's not possible. My mom told me something that's a little bit funny(with an emphasis on "little bit"). I didn't get into photography until pretty late in my life. When I did, Helmut Newton was my first personal favorite. I told my mom that and she said that she took me to a Helmut Newton exhibition in Gothenburg when I was little. That was the whole story. If I wasn't me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even like me.

I saw Cloverfield last night. Surprisingly good, actually. At the moment, I choose to reside among "easy" movies(Juno, Garden State, Notting Hill, everything that's in the gray zone of what's straight/gay). Also, I tried taking the stickers off my mac. I'm now left with a glue-y mess that looks like a mix between Tjernobyl '86, Sex pistols-feces and the robot from the Intergalactic-video. Swell. Anyways, some Bourdin for your viewing pleasure.

grrrrrreat

I must say, the club-atmosphere of Berlin is every bit as good as I thought. That is all. Here's a quick language-class in tourist German.

"Massive failure" in german is "Das boot"
"Utterus" in german is "Kinderegg"

I used to want to be a cowboy. But then my mom told me I'm Indian

Berlin, ja?

Ja, Ja. <--- this makes no sense. It's necessary, though. Berlin seems like an awesome city, ridiculously calm in relation to it's size(It's not huge, but huge enough). We passed through Alexanderplatz(kind of their version of Liverpool Street) and there were less people there than at a Scatman concert.

Anyways, I noticed yesterday that there is a Karl Marx avenue in Berlin. It's fairly safe to say that the germans did not institute that street. Equally amazing situations would probably be:

-Ho Chi Minh boulevard in Washington D.C
-Gandhi listening to "Smack my bitch up"
-2pac living on Christopher Wallace Street
-George Michael ending up on a blind date with Charlton Heston
-Kanye West hooking up with a white girl
-Malcolm X hooking up with a white girl
-Clint Eastwood wearing lady-underwear
-Muhammad having a wife that was over 9 years old
-Charles Lindbergh having a son that lived to be 9 years old
-The French winning a war, or ending up with at least a draw
-A sunny day in London
-Karl Lagerfeld taking himself less seriously than AIDS or poverty
-Something at Colette being less that 50% overpriced
-Being able to say WHAM! without the exclamation point
-Marilyn Manson's child not having horns
-Justice not playing Phantom 6 times during one concert
-Not making the laser-sounds while playing star wars
-Going on a date with Pamela Anderson and not being able to score

What did I forget?

"The french are the only people who do not believe that the world revolves around the sun, it revolves around paris."

Ellen Von Unwerth

I have a newfound respect for Ellen Von Unwerth. Good just became Great. Sorry that the resolution's so shitty. A&C's fault.

My parents lied to me.

Alright, guys. Basically, our parents are full of shit. I've been meticously studying an awesome website that lists a bunch of common misconceptions. I'm not going to paste the sources because I can't be bothered. Trust me, they're there. Here are a few:

- According to the academy of eye doctors, it does NOT hurt your eyes to read in the dark. They say: "To read in the dark hurts your eyes about as much as it hurts your camera to take a picture when there's little light." word.

-Chocolate doesn't give you pimples. Break-ups just got less of an aesthetic health-risk. At least for girls.

-There's nothing in the bible(except for the number of gifts) that indicates that the three wise men were actually three. They could just as well have been 400 jewish guys who all gave 10 cents each. Not ok? Sorry.

-Charles Lindbergh was not the first person to fly over the atlantic. He was also not the first person to kidnap their own children. He's definitely up there on the first point, though.

-Marijuana and Hasch does not damage your braincells. They simply arrange a non-working situation for you.

-Holland is not a real country. I actually didn't know that.

-Magellan was not the first person to complete a sail around the world. Magellan actually died close to the phillipines. HAHA, that's hilarious. These were his last words: "Guys, you have all been very brave on this legendary endeavor. When I die, I want to you make sure that I get ALL the credit for what we've done. All of it."

-The risk of getting a cramp while swimming is not higher because of the fact that you've just eaten. That's just something fat people say because getting up is a project.

Also, I've read about something fascinating. Apparently, the americans didn't have to bomb Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Japan wanted to surrender earlier, but only if they could keep their emperor. The americans were opposed to this(they got to keep the emperor in the end, anyways) and probably wanted to "test" the weapon. Since Japan was severly weakened, it would have been sufficient to detonate the bomb on a desert island, thus showing the magnitude of damage that it would cause. Instead, "why not freak out the russians and also test our neat new product"? Exhibit A being the fact that both bombs were not identical. The first one was made from uranium and the second one from plutonium.

"Dad, I want to go to school but this guy won't let me"
"Really? Him and what army?"
"The U.S Army"
"Oh, that's a good army"

It truly is. It truly is.

p.s Sri Lanka has the worlds highest ratio of suicides. That's why I allowed myself to be bought. Actually, that's not true. I also wanted to see ZZ Top in concert.

hmmm

Is it a mere coincidence that, in writing, the nemesis of the "Indian" is a "Cow-boy"?

Shiny happy people

shit, dude

There are certain things in life that people simply do not like. "Shit" is one of those things. I can definitely see where that fobia might spawn from, but it's kind of strange to me how much we hate other people's shit. This got me thinking about how shit affects us in everyday life, because there are certain aspects of it that simply do not make sense. 

Why are people afraid of taking a shit in public restrooms, even when they're nice ones? I mean, they're there for a reason.  All guys know the feeling when you've just had indian food(that's a fucking bear trap right there)and you have to rush off to the restrooms, but then you two feet into the room, you freeze. There's someone in the room. This isn't happening. Why, in gods name is there another person in a public restroom? This forces you to fake that you just need to pee until that person has left the room. The most excruciating scenario is when the other person is doing the exact same thing. 

Another thing that doesn't make sense, is the washing-your-hands aspect. People get fucking mad at you when you go to the bathroom and don't wash your hands. Admittedly, it is non-sanitary, but why is taking a shit so special? After all, shit->paper->hand probably isn't less sanitary than man with herpes->poles on the subway->feeding strawberries to your loved one in the park. The worst hypocrites of this scenario are people who yell at you for not washing your hands and then run off to kiss their dog on the mouth. This just in: Dogs E-A-T shit. 

Also, it says on the box that Corn Flakes have iron in them. Is that like real iron? How can it be good to eat real iron? Fucking weird, it's like if you have a hangover, you should eat your ipod.

Kylie Minogue wants to kill me.

I'm really not supposed to be talking about this. I just found out, I don't know who else to talk to. I think... I think women might be trying to wipe men off the planet. And their leaders are Britney Spears and Kylie Minogue.

The essence of their plan is to turn all males into gay males or "homo-homosapiens". Now, since most males would be reluctant to make this change, they have invented certain tools to get us. Their leaders, Kylie Minogue and Britney Spears, are perfect exampes. Right now, only metrosexual or gay men listen to these two ladies. Actually, that's wrong. Metrosexuals and gay men are the only ones who admit that they do. However, with the rise of metrosexual-coolness, alot of guys are starting to walk right into the beartrap. Movies like: Love Actually, Titanic and Bridget Jones' Diary are just the beginning. There are so many things out there, well disguised as KIND OF metro-sexual. And all of it is fucking great, too. Americas next top model, Sex and the city, Justin Timberlake, Nutella, Yoga, Holding hands, Pizza with no meat on it, exfoliating gel-scrub, Cosmopolitans, Cheap Monday and Hugh Grant. We need to stay away from these types of things, tempting as they are. They will destroy us.

What can we do to prevent this from happening? Well, there are a number of things that are also appealing to men, and these things will definitely push us back in the right direction. Here are a few things that we can do to help us get back on the right track:

-Going to war alot more
-Renting Die Hard
-Killing the french
-Going to war alot more
-Buying more barbecues & baseball-caps and less Marc Jacobs key-chains
-Saying the word "Mojito" without pronouncing the "i" in a really high-pitched voice

We all know that there are four confirmed types of men. Straight men, Gay men, Metrosexuals and Europeans. The second of these four would naturally not be a threat to this operation, entitled: "Notting Hill is a movie that everyone can enjoy." The first group is, naturally where most effort is being put in. The third and fourth group are already being phased into the experiment. Now, If all men were gay, then no more babies would be born. If no more babies were being born, then scientists would have to "grow" babies. And if those scientists were women, then they could control the sex of the babies. This is were their plan is going to fail. Women do not posess the logic side of their brain. Hence, they can't become scientists to begin with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I really like both Britney Spears and Kylie Minogue. I've become a victim. It has begun and within a couple of hundred years, someone is going to have to make a choice between two pills. Remember, the red pill is fucking gay.